Gary and Mary are a happily married interfaith couple and members of a Conservative synagogue who are sending their children to a Solomon Schechter Day School. Mary, raised Catholic, has supported and been actively involved in her daughters’ Jewish education. She recently decided to convert, so she can be Jewish for her daughter's Bat Mitzvahs.

We met through an actual, not online, dating service. It was the first date for both of us from the service. Gary had signed up for 30 dates, so he had 29 possible dates left. Gary was able to gift these dates to Mary's sister, who met her Jewish husband though the service, and they are now raising their children Jewish.

When did you realize you were committed to each other?
We realized we had a lot of values in common, such as hard work, family and much other stuff.

How did you decide to deal with the questions of religion?
We never decided, we just learned from each other and each other’s families.

How did your families react?
Our families have no problem with it; Gary’s two older brothers and younger brother are in interfaith marriages, with children being raised either in both or in neither religion. Mary’s sister also married a Jewish man and is raising her kids Jewish.

Do you have children? If so, how have you chosen to raise them? Why? Are there any issues with their grandparents?

We have two children, girls 11 and 9. We decided before they were born that we would raise them Jewish because of our interfaith group at the temple, as well as several things that had come out of the Catholic church that I did not agree with. (This was before the sexual abuse scandal) I like the idea that children are taught not just to recite the prayers and beliefs, but also to discuss them, and how they apply to life today. The grandfathers have no problems, and our girls know they are helping mommy and papa Bob celebrate their holidays when they celebrate Easter and Christmas with us.

Before we had children, we became involved in an interfaith group at Temple Beth Emunah, which brought us to become involved in the temple. Many people come up to me at temple and ask how long ago I converted. The funny thing is, that after 17 years of marriage I just decide to convert because the girls Bat Mitzvahs are coming up, and I wanted to be a better role model in a religion for them, as well as for my own reasons. When I ran Tot Shabbat many years ago, members of our temple would come up to me and tell me I was a better Jew than them for running the program. Those types of comments bothered me. Also, an adult niece told me that I was insulting people by attending services and being involved but not converting. As a mother, I feel it is my job to be involved with my children’s religious upbringing, whether it is the same or not.

My husband’s two sisters and families belonged to the temple that we belong to. When we attended our niece’s Bats Mitzvah more than thirteen years ago, there was a blurb in the bulletin looking for interfaith families to join the interfaith group. We stayed, and built friendships while there. Both girls attend a Jewish Day school. The girls have also attended some Jewish day camps. They would like to attend some Jewish overnight camps when they are ready. As the non-Jewish partner, I have always felt welcome. The only time I don’t is in social situations when people start talking in Hebrew around me. 


Do you have any advice to other interfaith couples?

Learn from each other, be willing to bend. It’s less confusing for the children if they are brought up with one religion, but taught the customs and cultures of the other parent’s religion. Work with grandparents and siblings to teach respect of the other’s religion and beliefs.